Hi all.
its been a while since i posted anything as things have been busy , im now a proud nanny to a lovely little boy  he was born in march  so is  coming up to 8 months now and crawling  so is into everything .
also had some health issues i have a fibriod the size of a 24 week pregnancy which is affecting y everyday life now and to top it all they scanned me the other day and i have a cyst on my ovary to  .
so im ment to be going in for an operation but i have never had one before and am scared so keep putting it off  but its needed .
the aniexty and panic dosent help as i find staying in hospital hard and ill be there for 5 to 7 days so if anyone got any good tips they would be welcome  x x hope everyone is well x x

Hi again ,
well i made it to the blood test and was ok ,she bruised my arm though which dosent usually happen ,maybe she was in  a hurry as i was few mins late.
Got a letter from  them two days later to say i needed to see the doc,which i did and my anemia has gone really bad.
Which maybe explains the tiredness and tearfulness lately so upped the iron so hopefully soon ill be back to normal.
Anxiety been worse to i dont know if that can be due to that at all? o and to top it all i have had the cold/flu thing which is going round .
But thats at the end now so i plan to try and get out and kick this anxiety into shape HOPEFULLY.
I managed to get to my daughters scan with her and she found out she is having a boy so i have been out to but few bits , its all very exciting .
But i dont relish the thought of the title grandma or granny so think ill settle for nanny or nana .(still sounds old though dont it).
if anyone has any advice on anxiety please let me know your coping stratigies
Right of to do my make up and hair while watching good old eastenders omnibus  so will catch up soon 
hope everyone out there is ok xxxxxx 

Hi again 
its not a good day today my anxiety level is high  and i have to go out to have a blood test. i dont feel like even leaving the house today,  and to top it all i have a needle and blood phobia  help.
i hope i can go sob sob .its not much fun having anxiety and at the min it seems to be pretty much ruling my life and i hate it with passion.
onto  brighter things my daughter is now 19 weeks pregnant and is due to have her scan next week. im ment to be going so am hoping i can kick this anxiety into shape a bit by then.sorry this seems such a moany entry . anyway fingers crossed for both the blood test and the scan .

Current Mood: anxious

Hi all,
well ive not been great with this anxiety again  would really like to set up a group like i use to run , but last time i went back to work was so busy it folded.
Now im thinking how much people like me need the support of other suffers  to help us through each lonely day .
O sorry i sound so  down , anyway back to better things ,its nearly xmas  well 3months away but it takes that to get all the presents  i luv christmas giving gifts  and seeing peoples faces, and spending time with your family the people you luv . And eating lots of yummy food  putting on the pounds  but getting away with it cause hey its xmas.
Luv this time of year to the autumn  leaves falling darker nights dark mornings there is something cosy about it.
We havent had much of a summer though so ill be pale till next summer now ,unless i have a few sunbeds but app they age you ,so i think ill just wait hehe.

Im so bored today i went to town ,but felt anxious so came home , then i went back down later and was ok,
 so many nice clothes ,shoes ,bags i luv shopping  but only with my girlfriends cause men moaned about how long you take .

well saturday 8th sept was the big day , and until the last minute i wasnt sure if i would make it. The hairdresser came done her bit , i was not impressed as didnt like it . Done my make up which didnt go as well as usual as i had a very shakey hand infact my whole body was vibrating . the bridesmaids left at 4.20 which left me on my own until the driver  dropped them, picked up my dad and came back for me.
I paced that hall floor so much, he came and got me and had to take my mobile away as i was still texting while in the car its a nervous habit lol.
got to the church  ,getting out of car was hard my legs where like jelly and i had a camara stuck in my face , i hate photos.
my dad is very unwell and cant walk very fast, but the poor man was almost pulled down the ailse by me  i just wanted to get in and get it over with .
 the old lady on the organ kept hitting bum notes  which was funny.
i actually think i got down there before she got to the here come the bride bit .
Anyway i did my bit said my vowels dont think anyone heard me though as i was so quiet  my words just would not come out any louder.
 we sung hymes well tried the best  we could as it was so out of tune , but it was funny .
  at last it was over and i got to walk out the church , but to an hour of photos  . 
AT LAST 6PM we  got to  the hall now i could relax  the speeches were done then the first dance which seemed to go on forever .
Then i went around talking to everyone  meeting the evening quests then was free to dance with my mates  which i did all night and had a really good time .
 Had to clear the hall up and be out by 12  then back to the hotel for a lovely long soak  in the bath . AND  i leave the rest to your imagination ................
YES he fell asleep lol  well it had been a long day

Its been a while since i last wrote on here , where do i start well my anxiety has been much better, which is a relief .
Ive been to walton on the naze  to see my friend who was  on hoilday there only for the evening but was fun. We went to the club with them which was interesting  to say the least . Lots of 50 plus men in thongs over weight at that  pass me a bucket lol.
Paddled in the sea ,i luv the sea the beach,
 its so relaxing .
Been getting the last bits for the wedding which is under two weeks away now.HELP im so nervous .
Not sure if im turning up or not yet  lol .
what else have i been up to , o yeah sat night went down to southend played in the arcades  paddled in the sea and ate lovely hot doughnuts on the beach watching the waves under the moonlight ah bliss.
One day i want to move by the sea  must be so lovely if you have  had a bad day to go and sit on the beach .
anyway  thats all for now i really need to make more time to sit down and write  on here cause i forget all that i have been up to .
Think they call that old age .
Almost forgot my most important news im going to be a nanny  cant wait  ill try to be  a glamour gran lol  .

Current Mood: happy

This is a recent  pic of my kids  bless them both

Well  i have been a very lonely girl this week, my eldest has gone to turkey with her boyfriend and my youngest has been to great yarmouth with her friend. You think you would like a break from your kids, you know peace and quiet  but it has actually been horrible . their growing up now and will one day soon will fly the nest  sob sob. Does this mean i should have another one to keep me company , ah no  i think ill stop thinking down that road dirty nappies sleepless nights. Maybe ill have to find a hobby  ? any ideas ? No more animals though as have 3 dogs 1 bird 8 guinea pigs  and a tank full of fish . Well done kei for passing your theory test  fingers crossed now for the driving test  Anyway off to get something to eat now and then proberly to town to swap a top i brought yesterday .which is to small  does that mean im getting  fat ?or  is primark skimping on the material lol  . I have been eating far to many cakes lately .

Hi there , well where do i start today, as dont write daily have to try and think what ive been up to
Met up with kei  when she came to stevenage ,which was nice havent seen her for years and she is all grown up now bless.

i fell in love with her rat Donny he looks like lee evans and is totally adorable and i dont like rats lol .

Been round to see ali to, which i havent done for while so we had a good gossip moan and catch up .I was there from 7.30 till 1.30, so you can gather how we put the world to rights and MEN !!! lol.

Been having the dreaded panic attacks again recently not nice.
Got some women coming tommorrow from itv central, she a life coach and claims to be able to help . It costs enough so fingers crossed it will help ill let you know. o her name is Janet Thomson  has anyone else heard of her?

Current Mood: anxious

Well i've not done a great deal lately. This is due to being poorly with one  silly illness or another . You know throat infection ,colds  etc .My mate becks has been away in spain and i have missed her so much  bless.  Sure she has not missed me , she been sun bathing ,swimming , getting drunk and singing  karoke. 
Usually when she around ,in the evening we get in the car and go for a drive  ending up at the coast somewhere . And arriving home at some un godly hour much to the discussed of our partners.
But roll on tues she home bless her. 
Anyway today is sunday , its pouring down with rain outside  . I love the rain , but not today as straightened my hair last night and when i go to the shops in mo!
This straight hair will be all curly again what a waste of hour straightening it moan groan .  
Im off to the betting shop in mo to put alittle bet on . just a pound on a
outsider in hope ill get a bit of money back lol .I'll let you know if it pays off later , fingers crossed

Current Mood: sad